Child Like Faith

As a child my home was full of love. My parents loved each other, they loved me and my brother. They loved the Lord and passed that love on to us. There was never any arguing or yelling in our home. I suppose that is why when I was about 8 years old I was shocked to find out my parents were getting a divorce. Still there was no fighting or arguing. Mom moved out and our parents agreed to joint custody, one week with Mom, the next with Dad. They never used us as leverage, they never had a bad word to say about the other. Even so, I was heart broken and confused. I suppose because all I ever saw was love, it made no sense that they would part ways. 

I don't know how long it took for my heart to mend but life went on and I got used to having two homes. But that didn't mean I didn't long for my parents to get back together. Every birthday wish I used to pray they would get back together. Every falling star I saw my wish was for my parents to get back together. Yes I know, every kid from a broken home has this same wish. But how long does one pray the same prayer and get no answer? When do you realize your wish is never coming true so you might as well give up?

Is it after the first year... the second year... the third. Is it when your mom gets engaged? Is it when your dad gets remarried? No, child like faith never gives up. And in my case the Lord answered another prayer, I believe to keep my faith alive. I was probably 12 years old and my beloved cat Kraus went missing for days, maybe even weeks, I don't recall how long but I missed him and I loved him and I wanted him home. I was so desperate one night I was walking home from my friends house and I cried out, "Please God, bring Kraus home!" and I had barely walked another block when Kraus came running up to me. 

This quick answer to my prayer strengthened my faith. At that age I didn't pray often but there was always a knowing in my heart that the Lord would bring my parents back together. Yes my dad was married to another and it looked like my mother would marry another as well. I was ok with those circumstances, I accepted the way things were. But if my parents divorce taught me anything, it was that things are not always as they seem and that circumstances are temporary. 

So when my dad and step-mother announced their divorce, I was elated. I will never forget the conversation I had with my step-sister, Heidi. She asked me if I was upset they were getting divorced and I told her no because now my parents can get back together. Being older and wiser than me, she did the 'right thing' by telling me, that's never going to happen, every kid wants their parents to get back together but it's never going to happen. You know the way people are always saying, don't get your hopes up. I hate that saying. It's the worlds way of saying don't have faith. 

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Meditate on that scripture, Lord knows I need to now that I'm no longer a child and the world has tried to beat the child like faith out of me.

But as a 13 year old, Heidi's words had no effect on me, I just shrugged and knew she would be proven wrong. And she was, 29 years ago today. My parents were remarried on December 13, 1986, I was the maid of honor and my brother was the best man. It was the evidence of my unseen faith, my hope in a God who could do what the world said would never happen.

Luke 1:37 For with God nothing shall be impossible.

I may never know if they would have gotten remarried had I not had faith. But I do know, I would not have the faith I have today had I not had faith as a child.

Hebrews 6:15 And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.

If you are one of those people who say, don't get your hopes up, I do not mean to offend. I understand you've been hurt, probably as a child and it is your way of guarding your heart against more hurt. Here is a prayer for you to pray out loud.

Let Your mercy be upon me Lord and heal the wounds in my heart that have dashed my hope. Teach me how to have childlike faith. Teach me to trust You Lord and fill me with hope. Increase my faith, increase my hope and increase my love. In Jesus name, Amen.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

The Lord thinks about you, He has thoughts of peace and a future and a hope for you. And should you think this verse is about someone else and not you. Let me remind you of what Jesus said...
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matt 6:26

You are more valuable and the Lord wants you to have hope, he wants you to have child like faith and he gives to those who ask. My parents anniversary is a reminder to me that the Lord answers when we ask. What prayers has the Lord answered in your life?

Holy Spirit Cowl

The Lord blessed me with a talent and a passion for knitting. I praise the Lord for the gifts He's given me. One of my favorite Bible verses is 

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

Today I'm writing to tell you how this verse manifested itself in my life recently. A while back I knitted myself a hat from a free pattern on Ravelry called Skyping Beanie by Halldora J

I decided I wanted a short cowl to go with it but I didn't have a pattern. I chose not to search for a pattern as I'd seen many before and never felt compelled to make them and so I'd never knitted a small cowl, I was not sure how to begin. I knew the hat was 80 stitches around and that the cowl should be bigger, not much to go on. So I prayed in my heart for Holy Spirit to guide my hands. 

I grabbed my favorite circular needles, size 9, and then pulled a good length of yarn off the skein and began "casting on", putting the yarn on the needle to begin knitting. After some time I stopped to look at the length of the yarn tail and felt I should cast on more stitches. The second time I stopped I felt like I had enough to begin knitting so I counted the number of stitches, it was 100. I counted again to be sure, yes 100. I thought, "That sounds like a nice round number Holy Spirit."  and I knew that the Holy Spirit had prompted me to stop there.

I won't bore you with the details but I can tell you Holy Spirit guided me through the whole project or rather, "directed my path" because I acknowledged Him in what I was doing. This project took 2 or 3 hours and I admit there was a moment I thought I should do a pattern that was more like the hat pattern but I stopped myself and said in my heart, "No, I trust You Lord." And I'm glad I did, because I love what the Holy Spirit directed...

Printable Pattern Here: Holy Spirit Cowl pdf

#100happydays Part 3

Day 78 of 100 Happy Days

  Seeking the sweet things in life. That is what this challenge truly is about. In my last post I wrote that I expected this would become more challenging as the days go by, well I was wrong. If anything, it has become more enjoyable and now I wonder whatever will I do when it is over. I don't want it to end. I'm not alone in this, I realized as I searched #100plushappydays. 

It has become part of my daily routine. Look for something that makes me happy. Happy. I know this word seems like some grand destination once everything in life is perfect we will arrive at. But that is not reality because there will always be stuff that can bring us down if we let it. No, happiness is a series of small and occasionally big things that give us pleasure or make us thankful that we focus on continually that brings joy. 

In fact I have found that gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. Everything I've photographed over the past 78 days are things I am thankful to have in my life. This does not mean I have had no sad moments, no frustration, no anger, no chaos or challenges in my life. I have. I have cried, I have yelled, I have been grouchy and irritable. But I have chosen to brush those things off and re-focus on what I am thankful for. The sweet things in life. It's really hard to be both angry and grateful at the same time, so I keep seeking the sweet things. And this 100 happy days challenge is one of those sweet things. 

This practice is training me to expect happy moments. I have had days where I posted my picture for the day early and then something else later in the day makes me more happy and I wished I would have waited. So I put it off till the end of the day. One evening, an hour before bed I started to post my photo thinking nothing more would happen that day but right  before  I hit save my best friend showed up at my door; I quickly hit delete to post her photo instead because that became the best part of my day. I have days where I take multiple photos and have to chose which one gave me more pleasure that day. 

It has taught me to focus on the positive in life. Sure I've had days when I've gotten towards the end of the day and I haven't photographed anything and I wonder what to post. But that's not a bad thing either because it makes me pause and reflect on what was good about the day. This can be a challenge to photograph but I have gotten creative, well some might call it cheating, taking a photograph of a photograph I've found online. But hey, it's my challenge, it makes me happy to do it my way.

If you've thought about taking this challenge, stop thinking about it and do it, you will not regret it. I'm here to tell you, it's the small things that add up to a life of gratitude that brings joy. My prayer seed today is that one person who is near and dear to me, whose feet are set on a path of destruction, I pray that person would read this and take this challenge, because changing paths starts with one step. 

To sign up for the challenge go to: 100 Happy Days Challenge

P.S. Local honey makes me happy, I bought this honey at the Clear Lake Farmers Market, it's delicious!

#100happydays Part 2

Day 50 of 100 Happy Days

Half way through this challenge to be happy for 100 days in a row. Looking back, this challenge has definitely been a positive one, more on that at the end. Looking ahead, I imagine it will be more challenging as the days go on. I have given myself a rule to not use the same thing twice. This has already been a challenge when I'm going about my day looking for things that make me happy.

So far my biggest challenge has been the fact that I have to photograph what made me happy that day. Some things are so fleeting. The big dog in the back seat of the mini-cooper that whizzed by on the highway. The sunset as it peeked out behind the clouds. Chad's face as he described how awful chocolate covered ginger tasted to him. The eagle that soared by. Sometimes I just forget to take a picture. I had lunch with my beloved cousin Tiffany who I rarely see any more.I guess I was too busy enjoying her company to think to take a picture.

Other things are hard to capture on film. How do I photograph the dedication of the dispatchers I work with; agreeing to work over-time so someone else can have a day off. Coming to work no matter how they feel. Filling in shifts when we are short staffed, and it seems we're always short staffed. Pushing through from one crisis to the next.

How do I capture a feeling on film. Like feeling the presence of the Lord during worship. The feeling of satisfaction knowing dispatching emergency services makes a difference in our community. The feeling of refreshment after a good nights sleep. The feeling of peace during prayer. And love, the love that comes from God, I feel His love everyday.

Maybe I just need to get more creative with my photos so you can see some of these things.

1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

Tell me what made you happy today?

#100happydays Part 1

#100HappyDays Challenge Day 25

So a friend of mine posted on Facebook a link to this 100 Happy Days Challenge. Here's their slogan "Can you be happy for 100 days in a row? You don't have time for this right?" My first thought was yes I can be happy for 100 days in a row and who doesn't have time to be happy? 

So here's the challenge. Everyday submit a picture of what made you happy that day. Simple, who doesn't have time for that? So why take the challenge, I decided to take the challenge because after my first initial thoughts about it, I started thinking about all the people and places and other things that make me happy. My mind went forward to what I know is coming in the days, weeks and months ahead. Yes months, because this challenge is not for a month or two and don't stop at three. And therein lies the challenge, even for a person who already considers themselves a happy person. 

The rules of the challenge do not say it should be something different everyday but for some reason I have applied that rule to myself. I have chosen to post my photos to Instagram and Facebook in order to inspire my friends and family. And also to honor them because they are a huge part of what makes me happy.

So I'm a quarter into the challenge and I thought I'd share some of my insights so far. I now wake up and wonder what will make me happy today. This is not a thought I ever recall having in the past. It makes you look at life a little differently.  I find myself looking and searching for things to be happy about. The pursuit of happiness :-)

I've known for a long time that being happy is more of a choice than a feeling based on ones circumstances. (I won't go down that bunny trail today) It's about focus and perspective and gratitude. Gratitude is huge. It's hard to be in a bad mood when you are thinking about all the things in life you appreciate and are thankful for. Gratitude is a practice. Just like anything, the more we do something the better we become at it. Several years ago I started practicing giving thanks for something twice a day, I carried a rock with me to remind me to give thanks when I touched it. By this I mean consciously thinking I am thankful for family, friends, lights, etc...Practicing gratitude is a life changing en-devour.

As I was thinking about all this, I realized it's pretty easy for me to be happy right now. Life's going smoothly for the most part, the weather has been fantastic, most of my friends and family are doing well. Maybe it was coming across a photograph of my friend Nadine that gave me pause. You see she passed away just over a year ago and I remember the sadness of losing her. It made me wonder how I would handle this challenge should something tragic happen in the next 75 days.

Would I take a break? Would I give up? I hope not because the more I thought about it the more I realized that it is during our darkest moments where we need to look for hope the most. It is those moments of laughter through the tears that keep us pushing through the hard times. As much as I hope and pray that nothing tragic happens in the next 75 days or ever for that matter, reality is, loved ones will pass away, tragedy will strike. But I feel better prepared to face those times now more than ever, not because I am focusing on being happy. You see this practice of gratitude I'm talking about brought me closer to God. I now know I can trust in Jesus to carry all my burdens if I am willing to give them to Him.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light."

He will carry your burdens too, if you're willing to give them up to Him.

Where peace comes from...

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This verse makes me happy, it gives me peace, well not the verse but the Word in action. I started meditating on this verse a few years ago. It's not a quick fix. But lets be honest 'quick fix' for the heart of man is an oxymoron because anything in life we think will help us quickly is no fix at all. It could be a band aid but  our heart's trouble will not heal themselves on their own, we need Jesus. 

This verse in action over time is a heart healer, not a quick fix because it takes time and it takes effort. But so does worry if you stop to think about how much time and energy we waste with worry and often about things that haven't even happened. This verse speaks to that worry. This is what it said to me. Oh, you are worried, well then bring that worry to the Lord. Tell Him about it, talk to Him about it and then thank Him for His solution, for His peace, for providing for your every need. Tell Him what you would like to see happen. Do this often, talk to God all the time about everything and give Him thanks all the time about everything. If you do this over time the peace with which Jesus covers our hearts and minds is indescribable joy. It is. 

Now when the enemy comes knocking, my first reaction is not worry and fear, it's to turn to the Lord, to trust the Lord. Even when the request I made to the Lord does not come immediately or at all, I still have that peace described in this verse. You see it does not say when you pray and give thanks and make your request known that you will get everything you ask for. It's not because the Lord doesn't want to give us our hearts desires when they line up with His will. Often we are asking for something that requires another person to change and He will not over ride anyone's free will to choose for themselves. That said, don't stop asking because He does nudge us, thank the Lord for my parents and others prayers to the Lord who brought me to this place of peace and joy through Christ Jesus, I would not have put my trust in Him without those nudges.

So I thank You Lord Jesus for Your peace that I don't understand but I love oh so much. It amazes me that even when I am not getting the answer I have asked for, the peace still comes. The joy still comes.

Essential Oils for Christians: Proceed with Caution

I believe essential oils are a gift from the Lord, as we know from His Word, He made all the plants (Gen 1:29) and their leaves for healing  (Ez 47:12) But the Lord flashed the yellow light at me while I was racing around the essential oils track. And we all know what the yellow light means...proceed with caution.

It wasn't anything physical, although I do believe we need to inform ourselves on the safe use of essential oils. No, it had to do with the thief and how I'd left my house without a burglar alarm in the past and let him come in and steal my joy and steal my peace before; the Lord was warning me not to do it again.

John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (NKJV)

Jesus came to give us life. The thief, Satan, wants to steal that life from us. Satan's the oldest thief, he knows what he's doing and he is very sneaky. So please let me be a burglar alarm to wake up those who are asleep as I was several years ago and allowed him to steal from me.

In my early 20's I had some health issues and someone suggested I try yoga and meditation. I learned some basic yoga stretches and some breathing techniques to help me relax and I really liked the practice. I started reading information on yoga and got a tape on meditation. The idea was to empty your mind. Well I grew up in a Christian home and I knew that emptying the mind was a bad idea. So I didn't pursue yoga meditation, and I thought the yoga exercises were just that, physical exercise. But I had opened my mind to a false spirituality without realizing it.

In 2001 as my first marriage was falling apart I was introduced to Qi Gong aka Chi Kung. This is the"mother" of all martial arts. Qi or chi being the 'energy' or 'life force' that moves through the body, so they say. The meditation part intrigued me because it was about focus and visualization. We were not taught to empty our minds and so I thought it was okay. Instead we were encouraged to bring in good energy, positive energy, release any negative emotions or energy. That type of thing. How could that be bad? It was very relaxing and I was content.
  The problem is these practices come from a foundation of idol worship and this false spirituality lulls you slowly into a self confidence that excludes the Creator. I was living a life of self deception really. I was full of pride. I was self sufficient, I didn't need the power of the Lord, I thought I had it all together. Not even close. My relationships suffered tremendously. I started having all kinds of physical problems, with my stomach, my digestion, my back. It got bad enough I was missing a lot of work and I finally went to a primary care physician and realized I was suffering from depression. The opposite of what the spiritual meditation promised. But in the process of these illnesses, I had gotten lazy about meditating and I quit doing it. God in His mercy used my sin to bring me out of it. It wasn't overnight, it was a process.

So too was it a process to come back to the Lord. The biggest turning point was when I had a dream, I saw Jesus, He was so beautiful. And I heard the Lord speak to me saying, "Anyone who comes to me will have eternal life". I picked up my Bible again and began to read it every day. I still do. The Word transformed me. (Romans 12:2)

So I speak from experience when I say be careful when you are researching, buying and using essential oils. The new age (which is a misnomer because it's really old) has hijacked the essential oil market in a lot of ways. And I have found a lot of blending between the Bible and false spirituality that I find disturbing. Like I said the thief is sneaky, he can be very subtle, he's not going to announce himself. He even uses scripture to lull us into thinking it's of the Lord when it's the enemy trying to deceive us. He always sprinkles in some truth with his lies or else we would see right through him immediately.

Before I go on I would like to say I am not trying to tell anyone where to buy or not to buy essential oils. Whether you should or should not use them. What I am saying is seek the Lord first and do your research.

As of this writing, the only oil company I have purchased from is Young Living, however, I will not be buying from them again because that yellow light I mentioned was Holy Spirit highlighting some things about this company that have me concerned. Such as the way they are touting the use of essential oils in the Bible and at the same time promoting new age spirituality.

Their webpage and their product guide use the following to describe some of their oil blends.
Abundance "is created to enhance the frequency of the harmonic magnetic energy field that surrounds us."
Aroma Life "pulsing with life, this vibrant blend energizes your life force."
Harmony "is an exquisite blend that promotes physical and emotional well-being by bringing harmonic balance to the energy centers of the body."
Envision "helps awaken and renew that drive to overcome fear and begin experiencing new, more rewarding dimensions."
"Sacred Frankincense is ideal for those who wish to take their spiritual journey and meditation experiences to a higher level."

On the Young Living website you find a link to the founder D. Gary Young's blog where you can read this.

"I believe that the essential oils are a conduit between us and God, and I truly believe without question that they increase our ability to communicate on a higher level than ever before. As you start using the oils, one of the first things you will notice, if you don’t have a specific ache or pain, is that your spiritual relationship with Father in Heaven will magnify over and over and over. If you use the oils for no other reason than that alone, they will change your life." To read the entire blog post click here.

There is nothing biblical to support essential oils bringing us into a relationship with 'Father in Heaven'. In fact anyone who believes they can achieve a closer relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ without the Holy Spirit of God is deceived. But then again, Young doesn't mention Jesus Christ in his blog, or anywhere else that I have seen so one must wonder what god he is in a spiritual relationship with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we need to check out every single place we buy from and make sure the owner believes in Jesus Christ. That would make our lives very difficult indeed. However, when I go to other websites to make a purchase, amazon, target, hobby lobby and countless other places, I am not confronted with false spirituality.

And maybe your thinking, what I thought at first, that it doesn't matter because I don't believe in that new age garbage anyway, so it won't effect me to buy from this company. That may be so. But remember, the Lord has called us to be examples for others.We are not to cause another to stumble. I've decided I don't want to take the risk of leading another person astray by calling myself a Christian and then affiliating myself with a company that promotes a spirituality the leads away from Christ.

There are alot of  essential oil companies out there and unfortunately many of them have new age lingo in their marketing and some don't sell 100% pure essential oils. However, when I sought the Lord on this matter, I did find a few companies that sell 100% pure essential oils and do not promote a false spirituality. As a bonus, they are a lot less expensive than Young Living, (even at wholesale) most likely because they are not multilevel marketing companies.

Like I said, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. Wait a minute, yes I am. I'm telling you to seek the Lord first in all things. (Matt 6:33) Let Holy Spirit guide you and you will not be led astray.

Psalm 34:10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Broken Tooth, Broken Pride

When I was 13 I did something stupid. Hard to believe, I know, at 13 I was so wise, ha! An older friend of mine had shown me a way to get a head rush. I was always willing to try something new so of course I was game. You put your head between your knees and breathe deep for a few minutes, then quickly put your head back and press on the jugular veins until you see stars and sometimes lose consciousness briefly. Stupid. But I thought it was a cool thing to do and one day a friend of mine and I were in the locker room at school and decided a metal and concrete box was the perfect place, no one was around. We thought we were being smart about it because we spotted each other, that way we could catch each other if we did lose consciousness, we were being responsible in our stupidity. I went first, I lost consciousness, I came to with a bloody mouth and half a front tooth missing. My friend told me I fell away from her and smacked my face, tooth first into the concrete wall. Please do not try this at home, at school or anywhere!

I couldn't tell my parents the truth, that I was a complete idiot, so I told them I tripped in the locker room and fell into the wall. So that was my story and I was sticking to it; only my close friends and God knew the truth. My mom took me right to the dentist's office where he put a "temporary" cap on my tooth, telling me it would need to be replaced with a crown someday. That was in 1986.

On Sunday August 18th, 2013 after church while I was eating a vegetable wrap, my 23 year old "temporary" cap fell off my tooth. I spit it and my food out onto my plate and dumped it in the garbage as I ran my tongue over the jagged backside of my front right tooth. I was surprised by how little tooth there was on the back side, it was broken close to the gum line. The front side had more tooth. I went to the mirror to see. It was ugly, I didn't want anyone to see it. I knew the next day was a workday I could miss so I  decided I would walk in to the dentist office and show them how desperately I needed immediate help.

That afternoon I received a call from my cousin Lisa asking if I could come over one day to help her paint. I told her I would love to, the only day we could get together was Wednesday and I told her it would be no problem unless that was the day the dentist could get me in, then I would need to do that and I told her about my tooth and that getting it fixed was my top priority. She understood completely. Of course she did, she is sensitive to others needs like that. But was I? 

That evening Chad and I then went to my parents house for supper; with family around the table I told them about my tooth and that I planned to go to the dentist in the morning and that getting my tooth fixed was my top priority. In that moment, as I spoke those words again, they felt wrong. I wasn't sure why and the conversation turned to something else and I forgot my tooth for awhile. 

Later that evening we ran into a friend and I told her my plan to go to the dentist in the morning and she said she spent over $2000 getting a broken tooth fixed. That was a shocker. We'd been living paycheck to paycheck with little extra here and there. I knew we could barely scrape together $200 let alone $2,000 but I figured, this had to be done and we would figure it out later, make payments or something.

Monday morning I was up early, around 6am, I had a couple of hours to wait for the dentist office to open, so I finally brought my concerns to the Lord. As I prayed for the Lord to guide me to the right fix for my tooth and for the finances needed to pay for the fix, I praised Him and thanked Him for His answered prayers and then this popped into my head... "don't go to the dentist". Why would I think that? 

I believe our thoughts come from one of three sources; our flesh, Holy Spirit or the enemy. Let me explain. You know those "gut feelings", those "intuitive" thoughts you have, the ones that are always right? Those thoughts/feelings come from Holy Spirit. His still small voice (1 Kings 19:12) He is the Spirit of the Creator, God. The Spirit of Jesus, our Savior. He is always trying to keep us on the right path, the one He created us to follow. But God gave us free will and flesh bodies so we have our own thoughts and feelings. God the Father also gave the angels this freewill to choose, the devil and his demons were once angels in heaven who rebelled against God, choosing to hate God, they hate everything God loves and so they hate humans. They whisper in our ears lies to get us out of the will of the Lord. Those thoughts you have like, you're ugly, you're not worthy, you're a loser, nobody cares about you, you're alone. Those are all workings of the devil as Jesus said in John 10:10 the thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly. (NKJV)

This thought "don't go to the dentist" was jarring to me. It could not be my own thought. Was that the enemy? Of course I was hoping it was the enemy because then I didn't have to listen. I wanted to go to the dentist and get this ugly jagged, broken tooth fixed, if the enemy didn't want me to go to the dentist, then of course I should go. But wait, why would the enemy tell me not to go to the dentist? That didn’t make sense. Why would the Holy Spirit tell me not to go? Unfortunately that made more sense because I didn't have the money to pay to get my tooth fixed. And I had made it my top priority, putting it above helping a loved one. 

I had been meditating on Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. (NKJV)

For months I'd been reading this verse, writing this verse, speaking this verse, thinking this verse. And so I decided to live the verse; to go to work and forget the dentist for now. To trust the still small voice of the Lord.

It was difficult to talk to people and I wonder what they thought of my ugly tooth. I tried to make light of it, like it was no big deal and I’d get to the dentist at some point; like it was not my top priority. Every time I spoke to someone who I had not seen since it broke I was conscious of it and wondered what it looked like to them. Some told me it wasn’t even noticeable. I wished I could say the same. I was constantly aware of the jaggedness; my tongue was always running over it to the point the tip of my tongue became sore day one. But the minor discomfort was nothing compared to the constant self conscious feeling when I would talk to people. 

By no coincidence that week I was invited to join a women’s group that meets on Wednesday’s called Holy Spirit Gathering; a group of Christian women who believe in Jesus Christ and His promise to send us a helper, the Holy Spirit. (John 14:26) I had thoughts that the Lord would miraculously grow a new tooth for me during our time of prayer. That meeting I was prayed over and one spoke words that I would carry with me for months, that this tooth would not stop me from smiling. My tooth did not miraculously grow that day but I believed that it would one day.

That weekend my husband Chad and I went to New Creations church in Mankato,MN for the Prayer Summit. That’s a whole other long blog I won’t get into now but I was sure I would have a whole new tooth by the end of the weekend. I even felt throbbing in the root of this tooth that had died and had a root canal done on it. I was sure that meant it was coming to life. I was ignoring what the Lord was whispering in my ear. The first night we were asked for any prayer requests to be written down and their intercessors would pray over the weekend. I had written my request for a new tooth.  At one point during my own prayer time I had this thought…you’re praying for the wrong thing.

Mankato, MN

James 4:3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. (NKJV) 

I did not see at the time that I wanted God to not only fix my problem but do it the way I wanted Him to do it and when I wanted Him to do it. I did not see that my pride was getting in the way because truly trying to control God is pride. I was not trusting God with all my heart, only part of it. 

James 4:6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud. But gives grace to the humble.” (NKJV)

September 22, 2013 Word of Faith Dominion Church, Pastor Steve Johnson led a healing service that day. He instructed the congregation that he would preach but any time someone felt lead by the Holy Spirit for healing to stand and he would come to them and pray, he said some people he would have speak. So the first lady stood, brave soul, he went to her and prayed quietly and then he went on teaching about Jesus’ healing ministry, I think, I don’t really remember what he spoke. At some point I felt I should stand. I met Pastor Steve in the isle and told him about my tooth. He brought me to the front where I spoke to the congregation, telling them of my tooth, leaving out the part about how it was broken in the first place, but emphasizing that I felt the Lord had instructed me to not go to the dentist. He prayed over me and again, I expected my tooth to be miraculously healed and again it was not.


As time passed and I didn’t see any change, doubt crept in at times. But the Lord was working on healing more than just a broken tooth. 

Journal Entry Oct 6, 2013 Sunday 13:45
Val (at Holy Spirit Gathering) had given me the packet on the Seven Steps to Freedom and we’d planned on talking about the process but that didn’t happen. I started feeling like I didn’t want to wait for whenever someone else would be available to walk me through it so Friday morning during my prayer time, I started going through it on my own, well with the help of the Holy Spirit of course. God is using this time to reveal some things from my past. Like vanity and a desire for others to look at me with envy. And my broken tooth helped me make that connection. Because the desire to have my tooth whole is purely vain. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t prevent me from feeding my face, it is pure vanity. And there are times that I don’t care what my broken tooth looks like but there are other times I wonder if I look like a meth addict. So this morning I repented of vain thoughts and feelings and I know I need Jesus to lay my vanity to rest because I cannot do it on my own. 

Definition of vanity: the quality of people who have too much pride in their own appearance, abilities, achievements, etc. Something (such as a belief or a way of behaving) which shows that you have too much pride in yourself, your social status, etc. 

This is good for me to look at. That was me 10-11 years ago. Totally after Ted and I were divorced and I started taking QiGong lessons. I was full of pride, full of vanity until my world came crumbling down around me and it was purely my own doing. I had rejected Jesus and accepted a false spirituality that led me to disaster. I thank God my pit did not bring me lower than it did and I believe I owe that to the prayers, the faithful prayers of my parents and others, and God who answered of course. 

Is this tooth thing pure vanity now? I don’t think I’m as vain as I used to be, but does a little linger? Lord I repent of any vain thoughts and vain actions, I repent of thinking more highly of myself than I should. Forgive me Father in the name of Jesus, thank you Father for Your forgiveness. Amen. (end journal entry)

October 2013 was a month of much repentance for me as I went through the Seven Steps of Freedom. It was not easy to look back on all my past wrongs, bring them to the Lord for forgiveness and healing but the hardest by far was when the Lord prompted me to confess a lie I’d told to many people in the early 90’s. I don’t care to reveal that lie here; the point is the Lord gave me the courage and strength to confess the lie to those I’d betrayed. I was blessed to find each one forgave me and I was released from the guilt and shame of the lie I told.

That month Chad and I had been asked by one of the church deacons if we would like to be greeters one Sunday a month and we said yes. November 10^th, 2013 was our first day of greeting at the church. We arrived an hour before the service was to start and I was surprised by the number of members already at the church, the worship team was already practicing. We put on our pins labeled greeters and stationed ourselves at the door. I enjoyed seeing everyone arrive and extending a hand of welcome with a smile. It wasn’t until later in the day I realized it was the first time I could remember smiling at people and not thinking about my broken tooth.
Right before the service was to begin a woman came in, I recognized her but didn’t know her name. She said, “I have to talk to you.” She took my hands and pulled me to a corner and told me that day I spoke in the church over a month ago about my tooth, she felt a stirring. It grew stronger as time passed and then she said, “I want to fix your tooth.” I thought, is she a dentist? Then she said, “Who is your dentist?” I told her and she said to make an appointment and send the bill to her. I was stunned. She said, “Praise God!” I said, “Yes, praise God.” Although I didn’t feel it at first, I was so blown away. I should not have been because I had faith the Lord would take care of this but to be honest I’m ashamed to admit, I was a little disappointed because that is not how I thought the Lord would do it. Pride.

After church she gave me her name and phone number with a note that said, smile Jennifer, Jesus never fails! Amazing, she had practically given me a blank check because she was following the Holy Spirit and loving the way Jesus loves, selflessly. But I did not immediately make a dentist appointment; I was still struggling with control and calling it trying to be led by God. I thought maybe I should ask for x-rays because then the dentist could see my tooth is growing; it would be proof of what I believed, as if my thoughts and feelings are higher than God. I was not ready to let go and let God. I still wanted to be in control. Pride. I trusted the Lord only as far as having faith that He would do things my way; I was not to the point of letting Him direct my path. 

I was no longer in a hurry to get my tooth fixed. I was thankful to the Lord for His forgiveness and healing of vanity which is a form of pride. But it took another month for me to fully humble myself enough to accept another person’s gift to me. You see I had deceived myself into thinking I was waiting to be sure this was God’s path when reality was I was still holding onto pride. I did not want God to use someone else to fix my problem. It wasn’t until a friend reminded me that Christians are the hands and feet of God; that this woman who was giving me the finances to fix my tooth, she was the hands and feet of God. 

Then Chad told me he had been speaking to a friend of ours who is not living for the Lord that he believed the reason we were being given this money was because we’d been faithful to tithe, that we were getting back what we’d given. How we always got back what we gave and then some. I realized the Lord was using this to minister not only to Chad and I but also to our friends about how His kingdom finances operate.

Malachi 3:10 “Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and try me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts. “If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it.”

Finally I made the dentist appointment and was given two options, another temporary cap for a couple hundred dollars or a permanent crown which cost around a thousand. I brought the options to the generous donor who told me to choose the permanent fix. Praise the Lord! I was finally in a humble position to truly praise the Lord. And I received a whole new tooth, just as I prayed for, and all it cost me was vanity and pride, which despite my stubbornness, I don’t want anyway. So I am thankful to the Lord for His answer. I am thankful to the donor for obeying the Lord and being the hands and feet of Jesus. I am grateful that I know the Lord will pour abundant blessings upon her as well.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

I learned that trusting the Lord is having faith He will answer our prayers, in His time and in His way, which is always the best path. Believing the Lord will answer our prayers is faith, believing we direct the path he has set us upon is pride. I know the Lord could have healed my tooth in the miraculous way I wanted Him to; it’s not that He didn’t have the ability to do it. He chose to lead me upon the path that would heal much more than my tooth. Thank you Lord.