I heard someone say they would never forgive a person who hurt them and they were ok with that. I care about this person and I'm not ok with it because I know how destructive unforgiveness is. So I prayed for God to work on that person's heart. That they would be able to forgive and be free if bitterness.
Then I went about my day as usual, went to bed as usual and woke up at 3:21. I saw it as 3-2-1, get up. So I got up, took a shower and went to my prayer room. I sat down and wondered why I was up so early, so I said, “Lord, what did you wake me up early for?” I prayed for my family briefly, and then this word about unforgiveness came.
Make a fist in one hand, hold it tight. Relax the other hand with it open. Now, stay like this as long as you can.
The fist represents you holding onto a debt that the person who betrayed you owes you. Imagine that debt is written on a piece of paper. What do they owe you? An apology? To admit they were wrong? Money? Respect? Your dignity? Maybe it's something they can never pay back, like a trauma, or your childhood, or your innocence. Whatever it is, it's on that paper, and you're holding it tightly.
You have judged them guilty and the verdict is also on that paper. Keep holding on tightly.
Now the sentence. You have sentenced them to have their guilty verdict remain tightly gripped in your hand until… When? Is it a life sentence?
Are you still gripping tightly, is your hand getting tired yet? If you hold your hand in a fist long enough, it will be very difficult to open it and it will start to ache. The longer you hold on, the harder it will be to open.
How is holding on to this life sentence punishing the guilty party?
How about your open hand? How does that hand feel? Relaxed? Free?
What if you gave the piece of paper gripped in your other hand to God? Just open your hand and say, “God, you are the judge. Take this debt that is owed to me. You deal with it.”
This debt you're holding onto is unforgiveness. Remember, we owe debts to people too, but when we confess our sins to God, we are forgiven, through the blood of Jesus, unless we refuse to forgive others.
Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.*
When we forgive others, it doesn't cancel their debt. Only God can do that. So give that debt to God and let him deal with it. Relax your hand, be free. Stop holding on to unforgiveness. I know it's hard. I've had to give debts owed to me over to God. When I can't forgive, I tell God, “I can't do it. I need your help.”
God, doesn't expect or want us to do this on our own. He's our loving father. He wants to help us, but he won't do it if we don't ask. Don't live life holding onto an offense, this leads to bitterness, and bitterness leads to health issues here on earth, and puts us at risk of spending eternity apart from our Heavenly Father.
Are you not concerned about that?
1 John 1:8 says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”*
And have you not pondered these terrifying verses…
Matthew 7:21, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven,”*
…it is His will for you to forgive others their trespasses.
Matthew 7:22-23 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’*
Earlier this year I realized there was a person I needed to forgive and I was struggling with it. Then someone reminded me that the word says we are to pray for our enemies. I considered this person my enemy. So, I went to God, and I was honest with him. I said, “God, I don't want to pray for this person. I don't want to bless them and I don't want You to bless them. I know this isn't what You want, but this is where I'm at.”
And I left it there. But over time, Jesus and I came back to this person, and He so gently worked with me to open my hand that was holding on to that debt. I didn't just open my hand all at once and release that person. It was like Jesus gently opened one finger at a time until I was finally able to open my hand completely and give it over to Him. In fact, the final release happened for me in a prayer meeting. He showed me a picture of a rope that tied me to this person. My unforgiveness had kept me tied to this person, and I saw Jesus cut the rope, and I was able to fully release that person and pray for them sincerely. Because you know what? The Lord in His mercy brought me to a place where I want that person to change. That person has a spouse and children, and I don't want them to be hurt by this person. Praying a blessing over them will not only bless them but everyone else around them, and hopefully prevent more suffering to innocent people.
Forgiving that person made me free. I no longer return to the traumatic memories when I think of them and I have to give God all the glory for that, because I could not heal that wound on my own and I would never have, could never have forgiven on my own. But God. Thank You Lord.
*Scripture verses taken from Thomas Nelson Publishing NKJV Spirit-Filled Life Bible
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